Where all my special needs parents at?!?!
Just kidding, I know where you are. You’re at your weekly, or bi weekly specialist, OT, PT, or speech therapy appointment of the week.
Being a special needs parent is no joke. All the things you thought you knew about parenting, all the books you read, none of that matters when you have a kid with special needs. As I recently told a good friend of mine, ‘the gloves are off.’
My son is now 17 years old, and was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years old. He was non-verbal until he was 3 1/2 years old, and didn’t have what they call “spontaneous speech” until he was almost 6. This is where a child will start a conversation rather than just respond to one.
He’s been kicked out of three daycares. He’s been suspended and sent home multiple times due to “bad behavior.” He’s thrown bookcases and flipped tables in classrooms, and cussed out teachers. So much for the nonverbal thing, huh?
My favorite incident had to be the time I was 8 months pregnant and we were walking through a mall in Houston, me, trying to stay calm, him screaming at me telling me how much he hated me and I wasn’t his mom, all because I wouldn’t buy him a toy or something of the sort.
And shoe shopping? Forget it.
I once bought him a new pair of shoes, only for him to roll down the window at a McDonald’s drive-thru and throw the right one out the window. I didn’t notice until I got home. There went $60 out the window. Well, technically $30. I still had one I guess.
Why do I share all of this? Is it to embarrass him on the internet? No. Is it to make you feel sorry for me? Absolutely not. It’s to point out that parenting is a struggle. Add on top of that a child with special needs who can’t fully communicate his or her needs, and that struggle is tripled.
There are more and more kids diagnosed with special needs every day in this country, and even in our small community. As decent human beings, we need to remember this, and we need to give grace and kindness to those parents struggling with their kiddos out in public.
When I was dragging my child through that mall in Houston, did I get side eyes of concern while people looked at me like, ‘Is this hugely pregnant woman kidnapping this child…? Should I intervene?’ Oh absolutely I did. And while I was probably wasn’t in a place to accept help at that point from a stranger, it would’ve been nice to get a nod or a smile from another parent whose been there.
Years later I would being assistant director for a special needs ministry at our church in West Houston, and some parents we served mentioned they had read my blog where I recounted this incident. (I’ve since deleted that blog as my son has gotten older.) They said reading it made them laugh, but also feel like they weren’t the only ones.
They felt seen.
If I’ve said this once, I’ve said this a million times: EVERYONE just wants to be seen, known, loved, and heard. If we can just remember that when interacting with the other humans in our community, I think we can make this world a better place. A community where all are seen, valued, loved, and given grace. That’s where I want to live.
What about you?
